The difference between survival and living is your brain...

The race


I'm not following my mood again am I?
I'm not following the plan again, am I...
Chasing the carrot at the end of the string has now bored me
The "reason for living" has now bored me.
Now what?


Do I chase another mountain
-not climb but chase
Because it's a race not a journey
It's something I run so fast that I only remember after
Once the moment is gone.


I'm left with memories of rain and sunshine
No experiences
No experiences?
No more experiences...
The price for the race is no more experiences.


And to yearn for more,
is to disqualify yourself.

Look at the progress.

Your love language is actually your trauma language.


My husband and I sat down to a long discussion tonight about love languages and it taught us something about people, about ourselves, that could make or break our relationship.


His main love language is words while mine is physical touch. That meant we didn't FEEL love genuinely unless in that form, no matter how hard we tried.


This has always been a mighty dragon for us to fight, but for the first time ever, we asked why.


"Why don't I feel it even if I know this is you trying to show love?"


Turns out his love language wasn't only words but he hated physical touch as he associates it with being abandoned. "You can't trust someone to be there for you all the time so you better not get comfortable in their arms." That's vulnerable, and nobody likes being vulnerable.


For me I didn't only love physical touch but I absolutely hated words as a love language. I've always felt like actions speak louder than words and people lie all the time. They say things they don't mean for better or worse, talk is cheap, right?


Then the discussion took an interesting turn. If we not only had very different love languages, but also hated each other's, what then were we to do? Should we use a language we hate? Why?


That's when my husband asked, "if I had to talk to someone who spoke Spanish, why speak their language, why not make them translate to my language?" My answer was "because I'm trying to tell them something"


So why then can't we do the same with love? Just translate how we feel? It's because of trauma. A healthy person should be able to recognize and feel love in all languages, someone with trust issues only trusts certain avenues of love.


The lie is to think they're all disconnected. After all, to talk to me and be vulnerable about how he feels, that's an action, isn't it? And for me to act in a certain way towards him, that's me saying something, isn't it?


We need to trust that love is love, whatever the medium. We need to practice showing love in all the languages to communicate what we're trying to say. That way we'll be fluent in love and a lot more capable of receiving it.

The storm


I don't feel the same
The air has changed
From upbeat and moving
To slow and silent


An internal storm
But cozy and warm
But wasn't the storm the villain?


Why then do I welcome it?

There's a storm building in my mind and I need to get it out, it's about how we move, breathe, how we make money even, things are making sense in this messy way and I need to organize it, but should I do it in the way I'm supposed to, or should I do it in the way I'm built to? And where is the line where personalization turns into indiscipline?

Yumi wants to say hi.

An interesting thing happens when you have the will to live. It blows my mind how adaptable human beings are. What exactly happens when you're all out of choices? What exactly happens when your will to live is all you have left? Basic things become a matter of 'do' or 'die', and if you're brave enough to choose 'do' you end up with the ride of your life. You end up with a life worth living, an adventure, just like Dean Clifford.

Check him out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tstR5r9OwTA